What It Truly Means to Be Transgender FtM

According to recent research, the most controversial mental health disorder in this day and age is GID (Gender-Identity Disorder). There are 328.2 million people in the United States, and roughly 11 million (3.4%) identify as transgender. That’s the population of Cuba! With the 325.8 million people left, most don’t know what being Trans Masculine really means, and that could be you. So here you go!

So, first of all, what does it mean to be FtM? Well, FtM stands for Female-to-Male, which implies that a person was born in a female body, but they identify as a guy (there is also Male-to-Female, but considering I have no experience on that scale, I am just going to talk about what I know. ) There are two main surgeries that Trans Men are able to get to achieve their more ideal body, like a Mastectomy (Top Surgery), and Phalloplasty (Bottom Surgery.) As someone who is in the process of undergoing Top Surgery, I am super excited to look more like myself and to go to the beach without having to feel my shirt stick to my torso. Another big way for Trans Men to achieve confidence in their bodies is with Testosterone shots. It’s a once a week/2 weeks injection of the main male hormone, Testosterone, into the thigh, butt, shoulder, etc. I am going on my 5 months on T, and my body is just starting to change more ideally. My voice is dropping (helping with hitting those low notes in Death of a Bachelor by P!ATD), my leg hair is getting thick as well as my happy trail, facial hair, arm hair, and everywhere hair. It’s great!

One of the biggest things that the trans community deals with is body dysphoria. Everyone has their own description of what dysphoria is, and here are some examples:

• “It’s trying to dig myself out of a deep hole with both hands tied behind my back, digging into my skin, while my clothes are too small for my body, and the sun is beating down on me.” — Me
• “I hear the ringing in my ears, my head won’t stop buzzing, and my face burns with embarrassment because of how round my face is or because how short I am or because my hips are wider than a boy’s.” — Anon
• “As I’m walking people tend to stare at me and I feel like I’m ass-naked walking on a sidewalk to nowhere with disapproving eyes watching me, judging me the whole way.” — Wriply

Along with some of the ways I mentioned above about how to better ease dysphoria, a few others include talking to a gender therapist or someone who understands what’s going on, surrounding yourself around supportive people (NO ISOLATION!!!), and, specifically for Trans Men, binding. Binding is a way to compress your chest (Much like the guy below. I seriously suggest going to GC2B to buy your binder.)

Now, I would like to talk about my own transition and how I’ve been coping with it. For as long as I can remember I have always been a tom-boy. With liking Indiana Jones and playing basketball, my family was generally used to the idea of me appearing more masculine than my sisters. My mother, one day, showed me the website for a local LGBTQ+ youth group, and one of the terms on there was TRANSGENDER. I researched what being trans was, and I came to learn that this is what I’ve been feeling since I was 5 years old. Previously coming out as gay, I was already prepped on how to come out, except this time it was more of, “Hey, Mom. I’m a boy!” I chose the name Ash in 2018, as well as getting my first binder from a friend, and I began taking testosterone on May 26, 2019. With that step being done, the newest challenge to tackle is Top Surgery and a legal name change, which I’ve been working on with my mother. My dysphoria gets unfortunately bad when I’m around lots of people and they are bumping into me, showering, and sleeping, because I take my binder off. The best option that works for me when I’m feeling dysphoric is a distraction, like playing my guitar and singing, reading cheesy love stories, coloring, hanging out with my friends, and anything else that takes my mind off of my body. And again, different things work for different people when it comes to coping with negative emotions. It also takes time to figure things out.

That’s it. Be kind and love yourself, no matter how hard it is. Love you guys!