Dead End // Original Poem
In the 5th grade, I fell out of a tree
This tree was higher than my hopes crushed by society
Higher than my heart’s flutter at my first kiss
I fell down and I fell down
Wishing that my useless arms would sprout into wings
Wishing to fly away like a beautiful bird
But all I was given was a concussion, bloody nose, and empty heart
I was handed over a lifetime of depression and mental health issues
Loneliness cascaded over my body like the showers where I spend 2 hours crying
My voice drowned by the rushing waves of water
Filling my vocal cords with something as cold as my dying body
In the 7th grade, my father left this world
He braved the strain in his fingers to put a bullet through his head
The grass below stained with divorce and alcohol
He wasn’t even given the time to cry out a final word
He wished that his tired arms would sprout into wings
Wished to fly away like a beautiful bird
But he was given the purest dark there is in this world
The dark where eyes do not open again
Where fingers won’t wrap themselves around another being
Darkness where little kids go who have no parents to hold them after a nightmare
9th grade was the year of new things and first things
New gender, first kiss, new name, first date, new clothes, first girlfriend
Freshman year was like a dream come true for me
Until self-harm became the new routine
Every day was drowned out by razor-blades and box cutters
My new home was run by doctors and psychopaths
My bleeding arms wished to sprout to wings
Wished to fly away like a beautiful bird
But hurting myself became my best and only friend
Pushing my closest companions away
Screaming in my ear that they don’t care
That I’m alone
Now it’s 10th grade and I’m trapped
Stuck in a treatment center where no one bothers to notice
Notice the newest scars and dried tears
My heart crumbling to bits and pieces like sandstone
But I do not wish for my arms to sprout to wings
I do not wish to fly away
Maybe this is where my journey ends
In between too many white walls and locked doors
Where medication becomes the new diet
Relationships become more superficial than hallway smiles
I think I’ve reached a dead end
